that I would write a little bit every day. Nothing big, but write nonetheless.
At times I feel as though I have so much to say that I'm going to explode; other times I am wrung out and empty. Today, I'm somewhere in between.
Hauling myself out of a major depressive episode (work burnout, resulting in a stress leave) has been a tough go. I've been off work since the third week of March and, quite honestly, would be ecstatic to never have to step foot into my workplace ever again. Admitting that to myself was a major step in my "recovery".
Now I'm trying to implement steps to change my life, and I'm finding that no matter how prepared you think you are, nothing gets you ready to resign from your job of almost twenty years.
I come from the Regina, the capital city of our province; where to obtain employment with the government is the ultimate career goal. Good wages, excellent benefits, a pension, a union, opportunities to move up/down/around...and for the past I-don't-know-how-many-years that aspect has been the only thing keeping me there. Well, that and the cachet I have attributed to the job I'm doing. Not everyone gets to work in Courts, and most staff at law firms (where my career began), would give their eye teeth for the opportunity. I have a badge, I have handcuffs and a kevlar vest, and sometimes my job is SUPER cool.
But you know what? No amount of "coolness", or prestige (real or imagined), or the ability to hobnob with high-end lawyers and Judges is worth what working in this office has done to me. Frustration, anxiety, depression, nightmares, migraines...no job is worth that price.
In a perfect world, with a really good manager, my position would be one of the best in government.
In this world, with this management team, it's one of the worst.
Oh Girl I wish you lived down the road so we could get together and talk over a bottle of...Gin. I have been sympathising with your struggles since about Christmas last year when the Tamster I know (and kinda love) went Quiet. I'm so glad to hear that things are getting better for you and if quitting your job (no matter how "cool" or prestigious or well paying or handcuff wearing or judge meeting it might be, makes for better mental heath than I say go for it! For the last 6 months I've had the best job I have ever had in my life -and I've had a lot of jobs. I've been working at a stable cleaning stalls (this is a classy way of saying shoveling horse shit) but I love it. I take my dog to work with me and hang out with horses and a couple barn cats and it is the most peaceful job ever. Nobody wants anything or bugs me or stresses me out or is rude in fact I don't talk to anyone. I just feed the horses and shovel the shit, listen to the radio and enjoy the smells. I don't even ride but this is the most peaceful time in my whole day. Anyways I'm not saying you should go shovel manure but maybe you will find something else you didn't even know you wanted or liked. I'm cheering for you Tamster!!
ReplyDeleteOh Bugster you made my day with this one! We have been through a bit together, haven't we? (Brothers, back alleys, broken ereaders...) I kinda love you too, and miss talking to you. Also, I just gotta say you've made shoveling horse shit sound zen-like and blissful! I did go quiet, didn't I? I'm hoping to change that - I miss the friendships I've made over the past 4 years or so. Big hugs to you, and give Sunny a big one too. Talk to you soon!
DeleteI should have entitled my previous comment as "How I made it through my mid-life crises" and learned to deal with all the new smells that follow me home, :)
ReplyDelete